Author Archives: RomanInUkraine

The Kremlin’s Criminal Vocabulary

Criminal Vocabulary

Putin himself is famous for deploying Bender-like formulations. He uses “whack” like an Italian mobster when he refers to what Russia will do to terrorists. Another favorite: “If my grandmother had balls, she’d be my grandfather,” used to derisively dismiss what he considers a non-possibility, such as the capacity for the post-Yanukovych Ukrainian transitional government to perform.

Typically, professional diplomats don’t resort to gangland jargon, but in Putin’s Russia, the exceptions are subtly smuggled in.

For instance, one Foreign Ministry briefing on June 29, 2012, read, in Russian, “Americans prefer to pull down their allies rather than take their interests into account.” To the untrained reader, this sounds hostile but ho-hum. However, the usage here of the verb, opustit (“to pull down”), in the Russian criminal argot refers to homosexual rape. Opustit, in fact, refers to how tougher inmates make weaker ones their “bitches.”

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/07/25/russia-s-stalinist-diplospeak.html

4mm Flaubert

Here’s what I learned today: Occasionally exceptions are made, but for most foreigners, the only non rubber bullet gun you can buy in Ukraine is one what shoots 4mm Flaubert cartridges. Yulia, on the other hand, can buy anything, though she need to do some paperwork first. :-D

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17-Caliber Cartridge Origins

The idea of a subcaliber actually began during the first half of the 19th century. A Swiss gunsmith by the name of Flobert, who was living in France at the time, designed a small rimfire cartridge using only the priming compound as the propellant. Originally in 6mm caliber, the little case was “wildcatted” to 4mm. A .172 caliber projectile is 4.32 millimeters. These sometimes elegant little rifles made up for the 4mm rimfire cartridge were known as Schutzens and used primarily for indoor parlor entertainment at ranges up to 10 meters. They also were known to be very accurate for the period.

(http://www.accurateshooter.com/cartridge-guides/17caliber/)

Russian vs Ukrainian owned businesses

Ukraine has only had capitalism for 25 years, and unlike in Poland, its development was severely stunted by rent seeking, subsidies, and inertia. Everything is getting better, and it’s been a thrill to watch — from the breadth of goods and services offered, to the quality of customer service, to the reliability of deliveries (I love you, Nova Poshta).

Though you still have the feeling that if the market was more accessible, western businessmen would run circles around the local competition.

You can often tell whether a business is Ukrainian owned or Russian owned.

The UKRAINIAN OWNED businesses tend to be like incompetent families.

– Things don’t happen on time. — There are no processes — instead of one competent staff person helping you, the entire office will get involved in something that you can’t imagine isn’t a standardized, daily task. — They may try to hike prices for westerners. (They assume all westerners are millionaires.) — Customers are asked to accommodate the personal travails of the staff — they have to go next door to get change, they haven’t had time to update the prices on the menu, can they pay you later because they paid for their uncle’s dental surgery.

RUSSIAN OWNED businesses tend to be like the mafia. Everything revolves around rules and status. — The staff will demonstrate their authority by ignoring you. — There can never be enough vulgar attempts at sophistication: pleated curtains, lights, rhinestones, and Russian pop music. This, I think is byzantine style. More is better. There is no efficiency or functionality. Perhaps the mentality goes: everything sucks, so more is better. More wins. — There are rules. Forget the fact that all but one table in the entire place is empty. They are all reserved. The staff will flex their authority by telling you the table you sat beside is reserved, then watch you go to the next one so that they can get another status boost and doing it again. It’s not their fault, they insist. Those are the rules. — Authority trumps usability. Forget the fact this is the obviously the door to use. It may be the only door, and it won’t have any signs or barriers indicating any restriction. It will only have a grave, suited man standing beside it (not in front of it, but beside it), who say in a guff, irritated manner, as if it’s obvious, that the door is closed. Those are the rules.

I hate banking in Ukraine (rant) #PrivatBank

Banking in Ukraine continues to be a nightmare.

The competence that seems to be lifting the quality of restaurants and retail in Ukraine barely penetrates into banking. I hate it. Most tellers are like incompetent little girls terrified that you’ll ask them to do something difficult or unfamiliar — that you’ll give them an opportunity make a mistake. I blame their managers. Mostly they seem ready to tell you whatever they must, really to make whatever sounds they must, as any connection to the real physical world being incidental, to get you to leave them alone.

A couple years ago, I used to bank with Raiffeisen Bank Aval Ukraine. I opened an account to transfer myself some money from the US, expecting it to be cheaper and more convenient than ATMs.

EPISODE 1:

I wanted an alternative to physically walking to the bank to check whether the deposit arrived and asking whether I could check online. They gave me a brochure with instructions how to do so. (First visit.) Great! The instructions did not help, so I returned to ask again. Apparently I would need to set up some special thing, and the teller who could help me would only be in tomorrow. (Second visit.) On my third visit, she started helping me and then asked for my passport, which I did not realize I needed. On my forth visit, she wasn’t there again, and asked me to return after lunch. On my fifth visit, she started helping me, got through the step with my passport, and then asked for the form which shows my tax id number. On my sixth visit, the job was done, and I was able to then check my balance online.

EPISODE 2:

Can you please exchange this big stack of 50s for a small stack 500s? (It was maybe $100 worth.) She counts my 50s. Then she looks around confusedly. “I don’t have enough 500s.” “Is this a bank?” I ask. I suggested that maybe her neighbor had more. She said she wasn’t allowed to ask.

EPISODE 3:

Similar to Episode 1, it took about five visits to close my account with Raiffeisen Bank Aval. A comedy of incompetence and bad manners.

The one thing they did right was telephone me months later asking why I closed my account. I put down my work, shut the door, and let them have it. We spoke — meaning, I spoke, they (surprisingly) listened — for a good twenty minutes.

So I opened an account with Privat Bank for it okay online banking. It’s Ukraine’s largest bank, with branches everywhere. The owner is a sleazy oligarch, but one who at least had the decency to support Ukraine, both vocally and materially. For this he was rewarded with a governorship which he promptly lost after using his personal army to settle a business disagreement.

Anyway, Privat Bank.

Mostly okay.

EPISODE 4:

This summer I had to transfer money to another account for an office expense. It was about $8 to buy water, if I remember correctly. I did the transfer online. Then I received a phone call as a security check. There was a live human doing the check. He spoke quickly and impatiently, and in Russian. He asked for a name and I told him the name of the recipient. He said no, he needed my name. I told him my name. He said it was wrong. (WTF!?) He said I failed the security check, and then hung up. My card was blocked.

It took about an hour sitting in a Privat bank while a surprisingly polite and heroic teller named Allah made phone calls on my behalf. I considered buying her flowers.

EPISODE 5:

For about a week, Privat’s online banking seemed to be down. When I tried logging in, I would get a message that “service is temporarily unavailable.” But then something strange happened. I mentioned this to someone, and they said they used the service daily without any problems.

It turns out that the genius UX team of their website was giving me a “temporarily unavailable” message when I had been blocked! I was blocked because apparently, I don’t know my own name. (see Episode 4)

So I went back to Allah. This time it took over an hour, but eventually I was unblocked.

EPISODE 6 (today):

I try to add 110 uah (about $5) to my phone card. The transaction on the website seems to go through, but then I get an SMS saying that 110 uah is over my limit for internet transactions. (I pay this amount monthly.)

After struggling with their website with only PRETENDS to provide an English language option, I walk to my favorite teller in all over Ukraine, Allah. It took about an hour.

Over the phone, they told her that everything with my account was fine and that I should try again. I did. Same result. They didn’t believe her, so she photographed my cellphone showing the SMS and sent it to them.

It turns out my maximum internet transation was set to zero. Just because . . . because fuck you for trying to do banking in Ukraine.

She walked me through the not-quite-English interface and showed me where to change it. The change required an SMS confirmation code. Apparently, it takes a few hours to go into effect. I thank Allah profusely and thought again about buying her flowers or chocolates, but I’m married now and wouldn’t want her to get the wrong idea.

Hour later, I received an automated phone call from Privat bank asking me whether I wanted to raise my credit limit or if someone told me to do so. The message seemed to ask me the same question three times worded in slightly different ways.

Do you know what the best part of Episode 6 is? Even though the website now indicated a higher limit for online transactions — significantly higher than $5, I still get the same rejection when I try to add money to my phone.

Moral of the story: DO NOT BANK IN UKRAINE!

EPISODE 7: I’m unable to make online purchases. When I try, I get a cryptic SMS “Purchase amount too low”. But I’ve grown accustomed to the fact that error messages — whether on their website or via text messages — often seem deliberately designed to confuse you.

I consult with Alla and Nadia, the two kindest bank tellers in Kyiv for whom I am very grateful.

After 45 minutes, my inquiry remained unresolved and I suggested I return to work and they call me when they get answers.

That evening, Nadia calls. Apparently, Privat Bank no longer allows internet purchases over 700 uah unless it is through their payment system, Privat24.

Sorry, Kolomoiski. I’m done with your bank.

The solution to Russia

The solution to Russia is

1) giving Poland a three nuclear weapons. They only need one, really. Russia is a one-city country.

2) giving Ukraine 1240 javlin anti-tank missles, one for each nuke they gave up in 1996 under the Budapest memorandum.

3) US and NATO withdrawal. Yes, withdrawal. In a planned, organized way while empowering an Eastern European alliance. Right now the best that eastern Europeans can do is beg for help. NATO and US is a quagmire of politics and conflicted interested. An Eastern European alliance would have much more freedom of action. All the parties remember the hell on Earth that Russia created in their societies. They understand the threat. Starting with Germany, the West does not understand the threat.

Poland may buy Ukrainian radar guided R-27R1 missiles

Makes sense.

Poland’s Armament Inspectorate announced that it has begun a procedure to acquire Ukrainian radar guided R-27R1 missiles, used as the main armament of the Polish MiG-29 fighters. The procedure concerns procurement of 40 R-27R1 missiles. This type of weaponry is the basic armament of the MiG-29 fighters used by the Polish Air Force. The missile is a semi-active radar-guided weapon used against airborne targets at close and medium ranges, in any weather conditions, by day and night, in any direction. This type of missiles requires the launch aircraft to continuously track the target with its radar.

http://defence-blog.com/news/poland-may-buy-ukrainian-radar-guided-r-27r1-missiles.html

Army Ranger School has a groundbreaking new graduate: Lisa Jaster, 37, engineer and mother

Off topic, but I want to share:

I call BS. Something changed about Ranger School, and it’s a huge loss.

In my Ranger Class (4-01/5-01), only one of the ten MEN over 30 years old completed the course. Older bodies just don’t recover as quickly. They just don’t. It has nothing to do with fitness. The one guy over thirty who made it was a 31 year old special forces staff sergeant — a soft spoken black guy. He looked like a zombie by the end of Florida phase. His immune system was going and his skin was covered in lesions. Huge heart. He toughed it out.

I remember him and his battle buddy, another SF sergeant, a short compact guy . . . McFee or something . . . were never more than arms length apart, looking out for each other. Great guys, both of them.

(Tragically, when I returned to duty in 2008, I bumped into McFee(?) at Bragg. I learned that his battle buddy, the only dude over 30 from my ranger class who made it, had the horrible distinction of being one of the first soldiers killed in an MRAP.)

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/checkpoint/wp/2015/10/12/army-ranger-school-has-a-groundbreaking-new-graduate-lisa-jaster-37-engineer-and-mother/

“At graduation, Jaster will have spent 180 days in the course — far longer than the minimum 61 it takes, but within the realm of the possible for male or female students.” <---- this

RAF pilots cleared to shoot down Moscow warplanes / US vs Russia military showdown is INEVITABLE top MI6 chief warns

I would not take this at face value. Between this an the authorization for British fighters to shoot down Russian jets, I think the Brits finally realize that Moscow only understands violence and confrontation.

Let’s remember, Russia’s economy is smaller than Italy’s.

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Outraged Russian officials asked UK ministers “to provide an official explanation” of reports that RAF Tornados operating over Iraq have been fitted with heat-seeking missiles designed for arial combat.

The Russian ambassador in London, Alexander Yakovenko, said he had “urgently requested explanations” of the reports from the Foreign and Commonwealth Office.

He said: “These reports are worrying, as they refer to senior cabinet members. We have urgently requested explanations from the Foreign and Commonwealth office.

“The very premise of a potential conflict of UK and Russian combat aircraft over Iraq is incomprehensible.”

http://www.express.co.uk/news/world/610780/US-Russia-military-showdown-INEVITABLE-MI6-ISIS-strikes

Former MI6 chief Sir John Sawers said there is a “real risk of a clash” as tensions boil between both superpowers amid Russia’s bombing crusade in Syria.

His warning comes as Defence Secretary Michael Fallon announced Britain is to station a “small number” of troops in the Baltic states in a further move to deter Russian aggression.

Mr Sawer said: “It is going to be quite hard to continue this campaign unless there is a degree of military co-ordination between the Russians and the West.

“You can’t really have two air forces fighting different campaigns aimed at different objectives over the same territory without the real risk of a clash.”

http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/611401/Russia-Vladimir-Putin-RAF-Tornado-Alexander-Yakovenko-ISIS-Iraq-Syria-Al-Assad

A great history of Russia in the Middle East

Excerpted from: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/09/opinion/putins-imperial-adventure-in-syria.html?_r=0

IN June 1772, Russian forces bombarded, stormed and captured Beirut, a fortress on the coast of Ottoman Syria. The Russians were backing their ally, a ruthless Arab despot. When they returned the next year, they occupied Beirut for almost six months. Then as now, they found Syrian politics a boiling cauldron of factional-ethnic strife, which they tried to simplify with cannonades and gunpowder.

Russia’s first major intervention began in 1768, when Catherine the Great went to war with the Ottomans, and Count Alexei Orlov, the brother of her lover Grigory, sailed the Baltic fleet through the Strait of Gibraltar to rally rebellions in the Mediterranean. Recruiting Scottish admirals, Orlov annihilated the Ottoman fleet at Chesme, after which Russians temporarily dominated the eastern Mediterranean.

Meanwhile, in Egypt and Syria (which spanned present-day Lebanon and Israel as well), the respective Arab strongmen, Ali Pasha and Dahir al-Umar, had collaborated to seize Damascus from the Ottomans, but then lost it. Desperate, they approached Orlov and Catherine, who agreed to back them in return for possession of Jerusalem. Orlov’s ships bombarded Syrian cities, eventually occupying Beirut.

They left in 1774, when Russia dropped its Syrian allies in return for Ottoman concessions over Ukraine and Crimea. Yet a Russian Mediterranean base was now a strategic aim: Catherine and her partner Prince Potemkin annexed Crimea, where they founded a Black Sea fleet, then tried to negotiate a base on Minorca.

Catherine’s successors saw themselves as crusaders, with Russia destined to rule Constantinople and Jerusalem. Ultimately it was this aspiration — and a brawl over the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, between Russian-backed Orthodox and French-backed Catholic priests — that led to the Crimean War.

Russian defeat in 1856 persuaded Alexander II and the last czars to back off on using military force to dominate Jerusalem, preferring diplomacy and soft power. But during World War I Russian forces occupied northern Persia and invaded Ottoman Iraq, nearly taking Baghdad.

Grapes of wrath: fury in Crimea as Putin and Berlusconi drink 240-year-old wine

During a visit to what is claimed to be the biggest wine collection in the world at the Massandra winery, Putin and his longtime friend tried a 1775 Jeres de la Frontera that was brought to Crimea by Count Mikhail Vorontsov, during the reign of Catherine the Great.

But the prosecutor general of the former Crimean government, which has been operating in exile since Russia annexed the peninsula in 2014, didn’t find the VIP degustation amusing.

He opened a criminal case for large scale theft over the incident, estimating the loss at two million hryvnia, or about £60,000, the Centre of Journalistic Investigations reported.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/sep/18/grapes-of-wrath-crimea-fury-as-putin-and-berlusconi-drink-240-year-old-wine